The highs and lows of toxic positivity
“Be positive” sounds great as a tagline but results are only achieved by matching thought to action.
In rural Maharashtra, it is a custom to seek divine intervention for any problems by asking the deity a question through a ‘koul’. A young man used this channel to ask the deity if he would succeed in his graduation attempt. The Goddess answered in the positive. Instead of prepping for the exams, this man was found gallivanting and gossiping. The elders asked, “Don’t you have exams? Who’s going to study?” To this, he would reply, “The Goddess has already told me I’ll pass, so why bother studying?” The exams came and went, the results were out… and this young man, of course, failed. Convinced that his Gods had deceived him, he locked away all the deities at home in a cupboard and announced that he no longer had faith in God. The point of telling this story here is to emphasise that the responsibility of fulfilling our desires rests solely with us. In today’s era of ‘manifestation’, many people will be seen asking for divine intervention to fulfil their desires, but they forget to invoke the blessings of action.
Australian author and filmmaker Rhonda Byrne wrote a book called “The Secret” in 2006. Through this book, she presented the concept of the “Law of Attraction” to the world. Based on her experiences and discussions with great writers, thinkers, and philosophers, Byrne claimed that even in dire situations, positive thinking brought about good changes in her life and brought her financial stability. According to her, if you have negative thoughts, you cannot succeed in life. But positive thoughts will lead you to success; in other words, “thoughts become things.”
Has an entire generation become overly positive after reading this book and its theories? Can we truly obtain what we desire or solve life’s complications just by wishing for it sincerely? While a positive mindset is crucial for achieving anything, it is equally important to continuously make efforts in the right direction. A positive mindset gives us the strength to fight the obstacles in our path. However, attempting to achieve anything by doing nothing and expecting positive thoughts to do all the hard work is what can be called “toxic positivity.” Anything in excess is toxic, and positivity is no exception! It puts pressure on us to always feel or appear happy. As a result, our expectations increase, as does mental stress.
Happiness and sadness, success and failure are two sides of the same coin. Fully experiencing both happiness and sadness in life is beneficial for mental health. When we feel sad or disappointed and try to convince ourselves that something good will come out of it, we suppress our emotions in that moment. Extremely positive people often believe that feelings like sadness, anger, and despair are forbidden. This mindset is not conducive to the growth of the mind and body, as suppressed emotions can erupt at any time.
Mental health experts advise helping children of all ages to recognise, experience and process their emotions for balanced mental growth. However, when children are burdened with excessive positivity and are pressured to always be happy, they may feel ashamed of their natural emotions. As a result, their emotional growth can be stunted, and they may lose the strength to fight problems or the ability to find solutions. Positivity is necessary, but where does one draw the line? Determining this is crucial for our mental health. It is essential to understand the different emotions and how to assimilate and process them. But then, what exactly is ‘positivity’? Positivity is about staying focused and optimistic while facing tough situations or challenges. In contrast, toxic positivity is when we deny natural emotions like sadness, anger, and despair and constantly pressure ourselves to
remain positive.
When one intensely desires something, the process of visualising that the object is already yours is called ‘Manifestation’. However, merely visualising this picture doesn’t bring that object to you. You need to visualise every step necessary to reach that goal and act accordingly. You should also think about how you will handle the emotions you feel at each step. American author Mel Robbins has given a great example of Manifestation. Suppose you want to run a 42-kilometre marathon after one year. You need to think about the moment you win the marathon every day.
However, to reach that moment, it is also necessary to go running every day. You should also visualise covering longer distances in less time each week. You should be able to visualise going for a run, come rain or shine. Visualise a foggy winter morning, when you feel an intense desire to stay snuggled in your blanket. Now, imagine that you push this desire aside, get out of bed, put on your track pants, t-shirt, socks, and shoes, and experience the act of running. At that moment, consider the frustration of why you chose this goal for yourself, and the very next moment, as you visualise pushing the blanket aside, think about why this goal is important, and feel the motivation that comes with that realisation. Imagine the rush of the wind on your face and the joy of leaving the world behind one step at a time.
This visualisation helps you with what you need to do to reach that finish line eventually. This way, your journey toward your goal will become more realistic. When obstacles arise on this path, you can get up and move toward your goal by keeping your emotions in check. Gradually, you’ll become accustomed to that mindset. Understanding the purpose or intent behind a goal brings more clarity about the path ahead. A balanced, positive person can view obstacles, interruptions, and temporary failures with a realistic perspective. This is why such people face such challenges with a strong and calm mind, moving forward steadily.
Just as we savour all six flavours—sour, sweet, astringent, salty, bitter, and spicy—in a meal, we should also enjoy all the good and bad moments in life. However, to achieve this, we need to develop patience, perseverance, practice and self-awareness. Though this path may look tough moving forward while experience both the roses and the thorns that you encounter on the journey. After all, isn’t that exactly what life is all about?
* A hardworking and positive person finds ways to keep moving forward, undeterred by the ups and downs of life. In any difficult situation, they strive to move ahead by having faith in their abilities.
* A positive person is grateful for what they have and the experiences they receive. In doing this, they focus on what they have as opposed to what they lack. This makes them feel content.
* Just as what we eat affects our physical health, what we read, watch, and the people we meet impact our mental health. Therefore, keep a distance from sensational news, negative TV shows, and people who mistreat you. Direct the same compassion and care that you show others towards yourself. Instead of brooding over past mistakes, engage in gentle self-talk. If someone criticises your ability or accomplishments, it is wise to ignore and keep moving forward.
* Take a little time each day to do things that bring you joy. This keeps your mind happy. Welcome things that bring fulfilment and growth in life with open arms.
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Shakti Salgaokar
The author is a Writer and Freelance journalist.